The art of annoying your fans and followers

You get to read thousands of instructions how to optimize your Social Media Marketing,
but you’re sick of always playing nice when you just want to throw your computer out of the window?
Stop accepting the rules of Social Media and invert them to your satisfaction.

Here’s the ultimate guide of how to scare everybody away
(until nobody complains anymore or you comb through job offers ;)):

1. You need a good and expressive Facebook/Twitter/Blog design? Take pictures of your last corporate event, especially those when the last shafts of sunlight faded away and alcohol flew like water. Gather the best and integrate them to your neon-coloured design, because you know: Colour is king. The brighter the colours the more annoyed the clients. Goal achieved!

2. Find a nice tool which helps you to automate your status updates and Twitter messages and post them on a regular basis. What about 3 or 4 times a day? You really want everybody to understand your statements. Everybody should know, you’re the creative content king. Posting once a day is too boring.

3. You love your fans and you love Twitter. Excellent requirements to follow everybody, really everybody. What makes you more happy than thousands and thousands of messages every day? Reading all these Twitter updates will never get you bored. Since most people do you a favor and follow you back you can provide an amazing feature: Automated direct messages to every new follower with prompts to like one of your thousand web profiles or even better, provide a link to your online shop where you sell senseless and over-priced things. Do you already feel your fingers tingle?

4. Make Twitter a game. Follow people and unfollow them if they didn’t follow you back within a few minutes. Once an account followed you back, unfollow instantly (because some Twitter gurus said this works). Reply to every, I really mean every Tweet you read and be repetitive to get your message across. This could be something funny, a motto or just an advertisement. You’re creative enough to find something meaningful.

5. Don’t forget friend requests. Woah, get excited! Wouldn’t it be nice to be friend with everybody? Send requests and invitations on Facebook/LinkedIn/Xing and every other network you’re in. Don’t forget to constantly ask for recommendations.

6. Once you provided all the very important details about you on your numerous accounts, start deleting all information, pictures and posts and become mysterious. People are always curious about others. Wait for nothing to happen.

Now you just relax, lean back and enjoy the peaceful silence. Damn, you don’t like this empty feeling inside without all your online activities?
Congratulations: You’ve learned the lesson. You can’t live without your clients, fans and followers. They make your company valuable. No clients, no business.
So make it your credo: Client is king and Social Media eases communication, but never ever overdo it.

If you feel or see us doing one of these mistakes, please tell us here!

LS

© Image by Patrick Hoesly on Flickr